Beloved Disaster

There much to write . . . much to "spill" but little time right now. I am living these days in the dichotomy of one who is ever so unworthy of forgiveness, much less love, yet who is more than forgiven - even cherished. I don't even know how to express just how unworthy I am of all that God has bestowed on me. There is nothing - not one molecule, not one speck of a molecule, not one thought, not one dream, not one hope, not one . . . anything in me that is deserving of His kindness. Rather, all that I am - every ounce of me physically, mentally, emotionally, and any other way - every single part of who I am is worthy of judgement and more - of condemnation - of eternal damnation. This is who I am in this flesh.

And yet,

or rather, "But God" - - Who is this God who can see something as wretched and undeserving as me and choose to transform it into something beyond price? Knowing I would fight the transformation every inch of the way - yet He Chose Me. I can only weep at His mercy, at His grace, at the pouring out of His much desired and ever so undeserved love.