Mental War

It has been a tiring week. Not for lack of sleep, but for the constant struggle I've faced. I feel battle-weary and I haven't even (to my knowledge anyway) been on the front lines. My battle has been, mostly, with myself. As James says, "Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from desires for pleasure that war in your members?"(1:4) and Galatians 5:17, "For the flesh lusts agains the Spirit and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things you wish."

Recently I've had cause to count my losses - some for the sake of the cross - most just because that's how life in this imperfect world is. The latter are the one's that hurt the worst. No details here because it's nobody's business but mine and God's. Suffice to say I am tired of being strong - of taking the wounds and carrying on like a good soldier - of silent forgiveness that does not require the other person to come face to face with the pain they cause - of having no one to turn to when I hurt - always being the shoulder that gets cried on and not having another's for my own tears.

And this "hurt" I regret - because it is selfish and ungrateful. God has given me so much and I am foolish to dwell on the little inconveniences of personal insult and being misunderstood. How much more have I oft insulted and misunderstood my Savior? Yet His love for me and His acceptance of me endure. It is, indeed, amazing grace!